Your "Mystery" Makes Me Cranky.

Do you know what you require in a friend?   Not an acquaintance (for they are temporary and many).   Not a colleague (for there is a certain line that exists that cannot be crossed). Not a family member (you can't do anything about them).   I mean, a real friend.

People these days seem to worry about asking for too much when really you should demand a great deal of your friends.  There is no shame in that, considering that you, in turn, should give just as much.

Have you looked at your friends and seen what they might have in common with each other?
It matters, you know.  It isn't that you are the company you keep, but more like, the company gives and takes from you.  With the wrong combination of people, you may find yourself emptied out.  The right combination, and you may take steps forward towards being your best self. 

I can count on one hand the number of people that I have the deepest and most binding friendship with.  One never has many of these types because they are rare.  Sometimes, they are non existent.
Then there are the good and hearty friends that I surround myself with.  Of them, there are many.  And I am fortunate that they cover the globe.

I started to look at the people who were close to me. The ones I call upon. There seems to be a pattern.  The majority of my friends are Kind, Generous, they have Faith (not always in God, but in something).  They are Inspirational.  They have Hope.  They have Patience.  They do their best.  They accept flaws.  And they have Honesty.

Many of those traits are things I struggle with within myself.  Perhaps I am drawn to these people in part because they hold what I lack.  I pray for patience every day.  I ask for help so that I can let go of the choke-hold I have on my world, so that I can have a Freedom of Faith.  Perhaps I'd have less anxiety then.  I am not always outwardly kind.  Not immediately.  I try, but fail often.  But being around these people, I feel closer to all those things. 

I am a natural pessimist.  Growing up, they called me the "misery chick" in high school.  If there was a downside, I was already sliding down that banister.  But these days, though I still see the half empty glass, I've trained myself to avoid the whining (mostly) and just go get more water (or gin, depending on the day) to fill it back up.  I think the friends I've been blessed with are a good deal of the reason for that training. 

Now, Honesty.  That's one trait I've required AND have also given.  Honesty may be number 1 with me.  Because to me, honesty is respect. Respect is love.  It's all connected.  I had rather be hurt by honesty than lied to or having the truth withheld from me.  Because honesty is a brief cut that heals quickly.  Lies can sometimes give hope where there is none.  From that, you can live on echoes and never be filled.  It becomes an open wound that festers and never quite heals.  The quickest way to my heart is utter sincerity.  The quickest way to be voted off this island is a lie.  "Ain' nobody got time for dat."

I'm not saying I never lie or that I can't forgive.  We all do.  But what I'm mostly talking about is the type of Honesty in who you are.  It's one of the reasons I've liked NYC.  It's honest in its disdain. It doesn't try to cover a lie. I can trust it for its beauty and its evils.  I don't worry whether she likes me or she doesn't.  She's pretty clear how she feels even if she's bipolar and will change her mind the minute the stank wind changes.  But I know that.  I get that.  I can trust that.
That's what I like about my friends.  Not that they are bipolar and stank wind changeable. I can trust who they are.  They aren't predictable, they are dependable.  Mystery does not interest me.  It does not make a person alluring to me.  It makes you confusing.  Confusion tires me. I'm cranky when I'm tired.  So, in sum, your "mystery" makes me cranky.

When I see someone who is living exactly as they are, I have the utmost admiration for them.  They give me the courage to live that way myself.  When they tell me a hard truth, I know I can believe them when they tell me a beautiful one.  When I see them giving selflessly, unafraid that they'll have nothing left, I am encouraged to find compassion that is beneath my insecurity.

I am sure it is not easy to be my friend.  I can be quite the blunt pain in the bum. But I am also sure that if you are one of these truthful people who inspire and believe in me, you will never find anyone more loyal or accepting than (*points to self) this pain in the bum.

So in the words of the Golden Girls...